A long night of hockey

Date: 4/21/2010
Watching: Vancouver Canucks vs. LA Kings, Game 4, Round 1
Surely, there has to come a time when men will get sick of being bullied by their commercials, right? I'm referring to the commercial where a guy says he doesn't care which light beer he drinks, and the hot bartender says "Well, when you start to care, take your skirt off, and get a Miller Lite." Which, first of all, I know that the audience is mostly men, but still, don't you NOT want to tell 51% of the population that you don't want their business? Women drink beer, too. And second of all, are there really fewer men with my reaction (namely, "Hey, Miller Lite! Fuck you, I'm not going to by your beer just to keep you from making fun of me, asshole!"), than with the presumably intended reaction of "Oh, shit, I better buy that beer, otherwise they'll keep making fun of me." Like, can I just make an announcement to the people of this country: the people in commercials CAN'T SEE YOU. They don't know what you do, or what you buy. They've never met you, they never will meet you, and so whatever judgments they're making about your life are COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT. You know what it takes to be a man? Just saying you're a man. That's it. It's not even about having a penis, there are men without penises and women with them. But if I say I'm a man, then that's it, I am one. And I can order whatever brand of beer I like, or a sweet mixed drink if that's what I prefer, or nothing at all, and I can disapprove of objectifying women, and I can watch chick flicks (COMCAST!), or I could fucking knit, and read romance novels, and eat chocolate, and be really fucking sensitive and emotional all the time, and you know what? I'd STILL be a man. Because, really, what does it matter? The only reasons it matters are dating, medicine, and because the English language requires gender to be specified. Other than that, it's as irrelevant as skin color.

The neutral zone in hockey always reminds me of the Neutral Planet from Futurama.

The Canucks, with their entire season on the line, face a power play, already down a goal, and 2-1 in the series. They haven't stopped a power play in their last 6 chances. The sideline reporter says that they did not practice on the off day, even though they knew they had work to do, because they felt that they would be better off with the rest, and had just had a video review session, and said that there was "some question" whether that would be enough (in Wikipedia, somebody would have slapped a citation needed on that "some question", but sports commentary gets away with it). And what do they do? They kill the power play, including a solid save by Luongo, then IMMEDIATELY go on the attack and score on an absolutely clinical goal. And as soon as I finished typing that, LA scores again. I'm beginning to see the appeal of hockey, perhaps. It's like any sport, it's all about knowing the story being told.

My favorite part of every Buffy the Vampire Slayer program description on my digital cable, is the part at the end where it says "(Drama)". I'm like, yeah, I kind of got that from the part where Buffy's brain tumor was affecting her personality, or from the part where Buffy's post-Riley emotional turmoil was interrupted by a malevolent troll. There's definitely drama.

And fuck you, Miller Lite, why is it so important to you that men have no convenient way of carrying around anything bulky. Like, I travel light myself, so it's fine, but why does it upset you, a multi-national alcoholic beverage conglomerate, whether or not a man carries a bag?

Canucks take the lead! And I have to say, I actually kind of saw how that goal came together, I saw the buildup a little bit. Maybe I'm coming around on hockey?